Pain...

((warning, there is a lot of whining about to happen))

Seriously... some days I am so sick of being sick that I just want to lay in bed and cry. Cry until the pain goes away. Except it won't so I put on my big girl panties and carry on. I can't stop for pain, I can't stop living, I can't stop breathing and I can't throw myself in my bed and cry over it forever. 

But I want to, so badly. 

I know I haven't been writing about writing too much but I have been writing and I will be submitting to magazines soon. The thing is sometimes my hands hurt so much I just want to stop... give up and give in because this is, sadly, my life. I get like that a lot, depressed I mean... Specially when I see people and they are accomplishing so much and I am here, wishing I could afford a 30 dollar purse and maybe a nice notebook to jot down my thoughts. Some days I feel so defeated that all I do is... fantasize of a better life. 

That's just it though... I spend so much time fantasizing that that is what makes me know I can make it as a writer. Oddly enough I haven't had a doubt I can make it. I know if I just do it I can. Then maybe I'll be able to afford better medications for these ills? I hope so. 

I have a presentation today and tomorrow work... I need to put on those big girl panties and go get these things done. 

Ugh I am in so much pain. 

Maybe I'll write about it.