The end of the world

I was watching a movie with my boyfriend last night about the end of the world  (In fact it is called Seeking a Friend for the End of the World). In this movie Steve Carrell and Kiera Knightley are doing exactly that, trying to find a friend for the end of the world and they realize that, even though they were neighbors they never had spoken to each other and were each other's one true love (or OTP as my tumblr friends would say).

Anyway, what really got to me about this movie was the ending... The world does end. No, that's not a spoiler and it's a surprise either (or shouldn't be) because it's the basis of the movie, really. It's right there in the title! And yet my mind is so codified to end of the world movies by Hollywood that I kept thinking they might survivie.... The protagonist always survives, damn it! But nope, this time the world really does end and everyone dies. It's a beautiful film with ups and downs, highs and lows but in the end it got me thinking about myself and my life and what would I truly regret if the world was about to end. Truth is I have been a goiod girl most of my life and I do not regret that. I don't regret not questioning authority, going to bed early (or late), doing my homeworkd, being on time for class, never skipping a class. I wouldn't regret not drinking or smoking or having one night stands (I'd be proud of these things. actually). Nor would I regret my Star Wars obsession or my need to know more about everything. Not dressing sexy? Wouldn't regret that either... I have a good relationship with my parents, both of them and my siblings and most of myu family. None of that would lay heavy on my mind (of course I'd love to spend more time with my family but wouldn't most of us). I fell in love, did silly things, went to the beach, had fun...

In fact, once I got to thinking on it, my life has been good and I've made sure of it. Damn good really. So what? What would be my one regret if say tomorrow was the end of the world (isn't that the theme for mostr sci-fi too?).

I could only find two:

1. I never saw snow.
2. I never published a book.

And truth be told these are relatively simple things, aren't they? I mean, seeing snow is easier than you'd think in South America and I could see it and I haven't. I've always wanted to see snow and yet here I am at 25 still trying to imagine what it's like. I will see snow, you'll see.

As for publishing a book... the more I think on it the more I realize that that is what I was born to do... Now it's time for me to accept it. Yes, it's scary and yes it's going to be hard and take a lot of work but today is the first day I am bringing my notebook with me and I will write ideas down as they come and hopefully sooner rather than later I will come to you with good news... I've been published and hey wouldn't you like to cross out something from your end of the world list?

Oh and yes, I was paranoid after watching that movie and I looked up the likelyhood of a meteor the size of the Dinosaur killer hitting us and was pleasently surprised =)

Take care and remember, nothing is for sure tomorrow, miht as well take the initiative to start today,

M.

Overwhelmed

You know that feeling? That feeling you get when you know you should be getting something done and yet you're either too scared or stressed out to do it? I have that right now about everything in my life. School, writing, cooking, cleaning, washing... All of it needs to get done. No, not right now, not tomorrow, but it needs to get done and I'm stressed out because it needs to get done. I just have this... overwhelmed feeling. 

At school I'm doing alright so far... no bad grades, no but not amazing grades. The thing is that the thesis is looming over me and I don't want to go there... I don't want to do it, I don't want to get it done. In part it's because I don't want to graduate and go out in the real world and work and part of it it's because 'm scared of not doing it correctly. I don't know it's just very overwhelming. The rest of school is fine... just... school, I guess. 

House work is just not getting done. I lack motivation and then it piles up. I am a very anal person when I am motivated and will clean this place to an inch of it's life but right now? I will admit I've gone to bed with dirty plates in my sink... The horror. Oh and I left the house without making my bed almost every day last week... blah. 

Writing... I've never been more scared to write in my life. This always happens the moment I start writing to show other people. I get scared and I start thinking I am not good enough. Ever since I started with the realization I want to write I absolutely stopped. It's the fear I know is reeling it's ugly head and telling me I won't make it, ever. I'm not good enough and I know the moment I submit my work and it doesn't get published I will be devastated. The thing is that this is it for me... My way out, my salvation, my passion and I can be told 'you suck' and wow isn't that scary? It is very scary for me. Oh and I've been so stressed with school and work and having no money and no time that writing is just not happening either. I wish I could sit here and write but then I feel like every time I do it means I am taking time from my other responsibilities. I'm just not able to function lately... 

Well, this would be a sad entry if I didn't add a solution to my problems, huh? And I do have the solution it's just a question of following it every single day... 

I need to rebuild my schedule. Yes... And I need my agenda functional again!

I need to make time for writing and make time for school and work and life and fun. I need to make time to get my life back on track. No more of this overwhelmed feeling and time to get organized (again). 

Lets hope this works... I plan to submit my first story for publishing come January. I will do this. Even if the answer is a no I will submit a story for publishing no later than January 3rd. Wish me luck.