Magic!

Ok so I know I haven't written here for a while but the truth is I've been super busy during the week and then on the weekend I took some much needed time off from the computer and from my every day life in general.

I have a few posts coming up, one of them on League of Legends (and how I am bullied on there for being a girl) and another on some exciting news about my writing (yay!) but this post will be about my weekend and about how awesome Magic is.

Magic? You ask? Well I mean Magic the Gathering, of course.

Oh yes I spent the whole weekend playing Magic the Gathring with one of my best friends, Steffi and my wonderful boyfriend. And yes, girls do kick butt in magic and we look good doing it. Don't believe me? Well take a look for yourself:

So yes, we went into a clothing shop before going to the magic store and pimping out our decks. I am currently holding a vampire deck and well I am pimping it out to basically make sure I kill my boyfriend every single time we play. 

Work outfit and make up

I was feeling inspired by Snow White and the Huntsman today. As I have mentioned before (and will probably mention a lot) I am broke. This means my clothing and make up options tends to be limited to hand me downs and drugstore make up. While this can be frustrating sometimes it doesn't mean I can't look nice and be geeky.

So, I was feeling flirty and dark today and this is what I ended up wearing on my face and body for work. Oh and in case anyone's wondering that is my mother's place and yes... she already has it decorated for Christmas. I should do a post on my geeky tiny, tiny little home.

Boromir Vs. Ned Stark?

Who'd win that fight? Mtv asked George R.R. Martin and he gave it to... < br/>

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Discouraged

Let me step into the soap box for a moment... I have some whining to do.

After investigating more about publishing my stories I have become thoroughly discouraged by certain articles about the kind of writing I do. I know I am not the best writer in the Universe but I have some talent... and then there was The Hunger Games. Now, I don't mind the series at all but I am not a huge fan either. Partly because it seems like something I would have read when I was much younger and much less versed in the dystopian genre. It is a good series but to be honest? Not very innovative in my humble perspective.

But whether I like the books or not is not the point. The point is that thanks to The Hunger Games getting a dystopian novel is more or less an 'uphill battle' or so some people say. So, you can imagine that this is a bit crushing to me. I almost feel like not writing at all anymore even if my stories don't look at all like The Hunger Games series. While they focus on one thing I focus my stories completely differently but... I am still a one time published author who hasn't published anything in the sci-fi/dystopian genre. I just seems to have missed my time to publish something. Of course this might just be me reacting dramatically (I'm a writer... I'm used to drama) but see... Writing is my one way ticket out of not only the poverty state I find myself in (yes, I live bellow poverty line) but it's my one true passion. Writing fiction is the one constant I've had in my life... nothing even comes close to it in longevity or loyalty. It's the one thing that can (and has, on many occasions) save me. I am not the best at it but boy do I love it.

Now it just seems like I find yet another stone in my path, another bridge to cross, another hurdle to jump... Sometimes you get so many of those that it becomes so discouraging.

I wonder if George R.R. Martin ever felt like this when he was thinking of writing Game of Thrones or J.K. Rowling while writing Harry Potter... Maybe they have? Maybe one day I'll get over this particular hurdle. Maybe I won't all I know is I just want to be a writer...

I just want to be a writer.  

May the force be with us all

I haven't adressed the news of George Lucas selling everything to Disney for simple reasons:

a) There are enough people talking about it who get way more page views than me

b) George Lucas made me cry...

I am not a believer in this and the idea of another movie being filmed and it likely not following anything that's already been writen about Star Wars is kind of heart breaking to me.

Star Wars is the reason I got back into writing. Star Wars was my first true, blue altern universe I hid in as a child. It's so important to me and I feel like it's being ruined (dramatic, I know but hey, I'm a nerd I'm allowed to be dramatic over Star Wars!).

I don't know just... I feel like something sacred to me was sold off and it's nothing more than a money business to someone out there. Of course I am not that naive to think it wasn't (specially after Eps. I, II and III) but that doesn't mean that part of me wasn't half in denial and half hoping that it would stop.

I just hope they don't completely butcher it (any more than Eps. I-III already did).

And that is all for this nerd today.

Something another writer posted

 I wanted to share this. It was written by Damian McGintleman over at his tumblr page: Medicrocity. I think this applies to every artist out there and sometimes I need to read it to remind myself of how much it applies to me.

Some Tips I Made For Arists by Medicrocity 

• Admit you have talent

No, seriously, do it. Say it right now, aloud, in front of your computer. “I am a good writer/artist/musician/singer/whatever.” Just admit it to yourself. Because I swear when you do, your work will become better. You’d be amazed at what you can produce when you feel confident in your abilities.

• Stop comparing yourself to other people

“I’ll never be as good of a writer as Hemmingway/Bronte/Rawling!”, “I’ll never sing like Adele/Florence Welch/Joan Jett!”, “I’ll never paint like Picasso/van Goh/O’Keefe!”, “I’ll never draw like Davis/McCracken/MacFarlane!”, “I’ll never play like Hendrix/King/Cooder!”

No. You won’t. You will never, ever be as good as them. And they will never be as good as you. Every artist is unique. You have your own voice just like they had their own voice. Don’t try to be someone else; be you.

• Be proud of your work

Wrote a shitty poem? Song? Manuscript? Paint something you didn’t like? Drew something wrong? Who. The hell. Cares? At least you DID something! That’s more than most people can say! You finished a piece of work. Be proud of that accomplishment.

• Realize that not everything you do will be great

This ties in with the previous tip. You’re going to do shitty things. It’s part of being an artist. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to create something great every time. Strive for it, sure, it SHOULD be your goal. But realize that sometimes you’re just going to do something that sucks, and then get over it and try to do better the next time.

• Be proud of your talent and enjoy it

I’m a writer and my best friend is a singer. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve told each other that we wished we had the others’ talent. This is a typical “grass is always greener” thing. Be proud of what you’re good at and enjoy it, because someone out there is wishing they were as good as you, I guarantee it.

Presentation today...

It's been a tough week for me (and it's only what? Wednesday? Oh my). I've had a lot of things to turn in (including a short story for my creative writing class) and a lot of work to do both at home and for the University. Oh and not to mention how sick I've been so... really, really hectic.

Well today I had a presentation to do and if I didn't do good I might have actually failed a class. Or more like I would have failed a class (this presentation was 100% of my grade). Needless to say I had my game face on. I m not used to failing (in fact I have yet to fail a test in my entire life) and I wasn't going to fail this. I was sick and tired and stressed out but I decided to impress in every sense of the word.

Now, as a student I am poor and well my boyfriend is also a student and he's poor too. This means I have no money to spend on clothes most of the time and oh, did I mention I live in Venezuela where the inflation is higher than the percentage of hipsters that visit star bucks on a daily basis? Yes, it's that bad. So, really I have no clothes. Okay, I'm lying, I have clothes but not a lot of really nice clothes. Most of my clothes actually comes from my mother and sister when they stop fitting them so by the time they get to me they are worn and not very nice. I don't mind too much... I am grateful, actually. Except on days I have important presentations.

But! Thank my lucky stars my mother gave me a gorgeous shirt the other day. Seriously nice and fancy looking (for me). The perfect color for my skin too! Just perfect so, I decided to wear it today and I felt like a million bucks! Wanna see?

Don't I look lovely!? I know I do, thanks. Oh and that presentation? I got an outstanding mention... aka I aced that mother! Yay! One step closer. 

Disclaimer: before anyone asks how I could afford an iPhone while being broke? I didn't, it was a present from my uncle because my little old 2007 Nokia flip phone died 5 days before my birthday. I am a lucky girl that way. 

Opening my horizons

After much thought I've decided to spread my blog out a little to make sure I can write about more than just my writing. I am a lot of things other than a want to be author and, even though that will be the main focus of this blog, it won't be the only thing discussed.

I will be honest and say I lack time for writing because I am in the middle of graduating from 6 years of schooling. Most of my days are spent making sure this happens in a timely manner and writing sometimes takes a back burner. It doesn't mean it's not present seeing as my studies are 90% reading/writing but it's not in the creative sense. For example today I turned in a 10 page paper and am turning in a 5 page paper tomorrow and a 60 page paper next week... Not to mention my 100+ page dissertation I am working on. So yes, I write a lot, sadly it's not always as creative as I'd hope but it's there...

Also, I am trying to let more about me be known. And lets face it... I am a big fat geek and love it. Oh yes, I am known as a Star Wars wiki and well I'm been a geek and nerd all my life. I don't mind and this is an important part of me so I will include that here too.

So, basically, nothing too out there or crazy but there's a  lot to include about me other than just my writing in a creative fashion.

I hope this makes sense and helps me expand and learn more from my writing.

Love,

M

Pain...

((warning, there is a lot of whining about to happen))

Seriously... some days I am so sick of being sick that I just want to lay in bed and cry. Cry until the pain goes away. Except it won't so I put on my big girl panties and carry on. I can't stop for pain, I can't stop living, I can't stop breathing and I can't throw myself in my bed and cry over it forever. 

But I want to, so badly. 

I know I haven't been writing about writing too much but I have been writing and I will be submitting to magazines soon. The thing is sometimes my hands hurt so much I just want to stop... give up and give in because this is, sadly, my life. I get like that a lot, depressed I mean... Specially when I see people and they are accomplishing so much and I am here, wishing I could afford a 30 dollar purse and maybe a nice notebook to jot down my thoughts. Some days I feel so defeated that all I do is... fantasize of a better life. 

That's just it though... I spend so much time fantasizing that that is what makes me know I can make it as a writer. Oddly enough I haven't had a doubt I can make it. I know if I just do it I can. Then maybe I'll be able to afford better medications for these ills? I hope so. 

I have a presentation today and tomorrow work... I need to put on those big girl panties and go get these things done. 

Ugh I am in so much pain. 

Maybe I'll write about it. 

The end of the world

I was watching a movie with my boyfriend last night about the end of the world  (In fact it is called Seeking a Friend for the End of the World). In this movie Steve Carrell and Kiera Knightley are doing exactly that, trying to find a friend for the end of the world and they realize that, even though they were neighbors they never had spoken to each other and were each other's one true love (or OTP as my tumblr friends would say).

Anyway, what really got to me about this movie was the ending... The world does end. No, that's not a spoiler and it's a surprise either (or shouldn't be) because it's the basis of the movie, really. It's right there in the title! And yet my mind is so codified to end of the world movies by Hollywood that I kept thinking they might survivie.... The protagonist always survives, damn it! But nope, this time the world really does end and everyone dies. It's a beautiful film with ups and downs, highs and lows but in the end it got me thinking about myself and my life and what would I truly regret if the world was about to end. Truth is I have been a goiod girl most of my life and I do not regret that. I don't regret not questioning authority, going to bed early (or late), doing my homeworkd, being on time for class, never skipping a class. I wouldn't regret not drinking or smoking or having one night stands (I'd be proud of these things. actually). Nor would I regret my Star Wars obsession or my need to know more about everything. Not dressing sexy? Wouldn't regret that either... I have a good relationship with my parents, both of them and my siblings and most of myu family. None of that would lay heavy on my mind (of course I'd love to spend more time with my family but wouldn't most of us). I fell in love, did silly things, went to the beach, had fun...

In fact, once I got to thinking on it, my life has been good and I've made sure of it. Damn good really. So what? What would be my one regret if say tomorrow was the end of the world (isn't that the theme for mostr sci-fi too?).

I could only find two:

1. I never saw snow.
2. I never published a book.

And truth be told these are relatively simple things, aren't they? I mean, seeing snow is easier than you'd think in South America and I could see it and I haven't. I've always wanted to see snow and yet here I am at 25 still trying to imagine what it's like. I will see snow, you'll see.

As for publishing a book... the more I think on it the more I realize that that is what I was born to do... Now it's time for me to accept it. Yes, it's scary and yes it's going to be hard and take a lot of work but today is the first day I am bringing my notebook with me and I will write ideas down as they come and hopefully sooner rather than later I will come to you with good news... I've been published and hey wouldn't you like to cross out something from your end of the world list?

Oh and yes, I was paranoid after watching that movie and I looked up the likelyhood of a meteor the size of the Dinosaur killer hitting us and was pleasently surprised =)

Take care and remember, nothing is for sure tomorrow, miht as well take the initiative to start today,

M.

Overwhelmed

You know that feeling? That feeling you get when you know you should be getting something done and yet you're either too scared or stressed out to do it? I have that right now about everything in my life. School, writing, cooking, cleaning, washing... All of it needs to get done. No, not right now, not tomorrow, but it needs to get done and I'm stressed out because it needs to get done. I just have this... overwhelmed feeling. 

At school I'm doing alright so far... no bad grades, no but not amazing grades. The thing is that the thesis is looming over me and I don't want to go there... I don't want to do it, I don't want to get it done. In part it's because I don't want to graduate and go out in the real world and work and part of it it's because 'm scared of not doing it correctly. I don't know it's just very overwhelming. The rest of school is fine... just... school, I guess. 

House work is just not getting done. I lack motivation and then it piles up. I am a very anal person when I am motivated and will clean this place to an inch of it's life but right now? I will admit I've gone to bed with dirty plates in my sink... The horror. Oh and I left the house without making my bed almost every day last week... blah. 

Writing... I've never been more scared to write in my life. This always happens the moment I start writing to show other people. I get scared and I start thinking I am not good enough. Ever since I started with the realization I want to write I absolutely stopped. It's the fear I know is reeling it's ugly head and telling me I won't make it, ever. I'm not good enough and I know the moment I submit my work and it doesn't get published I will be devastated. The thing is that this is it for me... My way out, my salvation, my passion and I can be told 'you suck' and wow isn't that scary? It is very scary for me. Oh and I've been so stressed with school and work and having no money and no time that writing is just not happening either. I wish I could sit here and write but then I feel like every time I do it means I am taking time from my other responsibilities. I'm just not able to function lately... 

Well, this would be a sad entry if I didn't add a solution to my problems, huh? And I do have the solution it's just a question of following it every single day... 

I need to rebuild my schedule. Yes... And I need my agenda functional again!

I need to make time for writing and make time for school and work and life and fun. I need to make time to get my life back on track. No more of this overwhelmed feeling and time to get organized (again). 

Lets hope this works... I plan to submit my first story for publishing come January. I will do this. Even if the answer is a no I will submit a story for publishing no later than January 3rd. Wish me luck. 

I've been very ill

Which is why I haven't been on here too much. I will hopefully be back full-time on Monday.